WTF Japan: Mai Waifu!

"WTF Japan!" is actually a phrase that leaves my mouth rather frequently. American otaku like to think they're hot stuff sometimes, but they will never be able to match up to the ridiculousness of the original breed, least of all the country that it all came from. No other countries takes its cartoons and comics as serious as Japan. You don't hear about the Disney museum nearly as much as you hear about the Ghibli museum. The Japanese will riot and petition for the forest that inspired Totoro to remain as it is, but no one in the States could care less about whatever the heck inspired Walt Disney to draw Mickey Mouse. And what in all of the western world could compare to the otaku paradise that is Akihabara? We don't have vending machines that sell action figures or crane machines full of high-quality collectables outside of every grocery store, and I could go on and on and on about how outrageous Japan is. I'm sure you could too.

But this is a new high bar for the absurdity that happens over there. Japan, you're wacky and hilarious and I love you, but really. What the fuck?

It's so ridiculously I'm still about 70% sure they aren't serious, but that 30% of me is just repeating WTF over and over again. It's worse than the people that want to marry their pets because at least pets are alive and tangible and have emotions and feelings even though they couldn't very well give their consent or understanding of legal binding. The petition to allow for marriage to a 2D character bewilders me mostly because I can't understand why anyone would want to do it. I could understand wanting to marry a robot more than I could understand wanting to marry a flat character because at least you could feasibly have sex with a robot. Hell, you could feasibly have sex with your pet. -_- But a fictional character? Not even hentai really counts.

That isn't to say that sex is the only basis of marriage, but it isn't like you could get anything else out of a relationship with something that lacks a brain, emotions, or any other kind of interactive... anything. What would be the benefit of being married to a character? So you could call yourself Mrs. Edward Elric? So you could wear a ring on your finger and when people ask, you'd say that your wife is Haruhi Suzumiya? So you could claim one character once and for all and laugh in all the faces of the other fanboys and girls who used to dare contest you on your claim? Seriously! Why!? Why would any one want to marry a fictional character?

And how would they consent to that anyway? Would their creators, as their "parents," have to give permission? I can just imagine a horde of fanboys breaking down poor Nagaru Tanigawa's door and begging for Mikuru's hand in marriage. I'm sure there are a lot of delusional otaku that think they're married anyway and hide away in the privacy of their own homes having sex with blow-up dolls of their favorite characters -- fine, whatever, I don't really care about what people do behind closed doors, but to try and pass a law that would sanction a marriage? That's just silly. And rather pointless, since you could do all your dirty little deeds without a piece of paper saying you're batshit crazy.

This has gotta be a joke. People have come down a long and crazy road, and there are plenty of people that believe in some craaaaaaaazy stuff, but this... this takes the cake. What the fuck, Japan, just what the fuck!? Read the rest of this entry...

Wow... A WoW Movie

Wow. I'm a year late on this news, but this was brought to my attention by the SEQALAB podcast: they're making a World of Warcraft movie.

I can't decide whether I should be confused, perplexed, amused, or exasperated. Or all four at once!

Strangely enough, despite the fact that this movie was announced a year ago at BLIZZCON, there still isn't very much information on it. It's labeled as being in pre-production on IMBD, but they still don't have a director or anything resembling a plot. I'm somewhat surprised that they're going for a "war story" rather than a Lord of the Rings-type thing as I'm sure many of its players are into the genre, but eh... I dunno. Of all the uninspired game-to-movie ideas that have been tossed out there, I would have expected better from Blizzard (or maybe I just want a Starcraft movie instead because damn, that'd be awesome).

It's been a year full of dead news already though. At this rate, I kind of expect this WoW movie to not make it out of production if it ever even enters it -- WoW's appeal is that you create your own character and your own adventures, more or less. I don't really feel as if that would translate well into a movie that was removed from yourself and your character. Oh. Look. This guy agrees with me. If this movie's made, it's not going to make money. At all.

I never did like the idea of companies venturing into different fields and medias without first mastering their primary one -- seems a bit stupid, doesn't it? Why should Microsoft venture into gaming when its software has so many problems? Why should TOKYOPOP create a new division for movies when they can't even handle their comics right now? Why should Blizzard try to make a Warcraft movie when they have games to finish making (oh, that's the Starcraft-fan in me being pissed again, sorry)? I've only ever see one company take on multiple disciples extremely effectively and that's, of course, Google. This isn't to say others haven't succeeded, I'm sure some have (how about that Xbox, eh?), but most of the time it doesn't work that way.

It's a hugely risky venture in hard economic times. Give up that movie, Blizzard, you've got more important things to do. Read the rest of this entry...

Geass Golf! Weird Collaborations are Weird

Okay. You know I'm all for product placement and hand-in-hand promotions. Code Geass has been especially apt at this, seeing as it was my example for that article too, but there is a point when the product associations just get... really weird. Sure, it's a side thing and isn't woven into the fabric of the show like the Pizza Hut nonsense was, but... c'mon. Can you really imagine the Ashford kids chillin' on a rolling golf course? Okay, so actually, maybe it's right up there with all the Mario Sports games... I've always thought those were kind of weird too, but Mario is a much more versitile property because it's about plumbers saving a fantasy world. Code Geass, with all its quirk and crack, is still a show about terrorism (kind of). Besides, its main character is thoroughly established as someone not meant for physical activity.

So my first thought was this:

Then again, considering all of the madness that Sunrise has put on the Code Geass drama CDs and sound episodes and the over-the-top, blatant fanservice they put in magazines like Newtype, maybe this Geass-Pangya association is supposed to be taken with that same grain of salt. It isn't like any of it is canon anyway. And I guess it really isn't that hard to imagine that Ashford has a giant golf course tucked away somewhere that they take occasional field trips to, and Lelouch is really the only character that would fail hardcore at it anyway -- I guess golf isn't all that physically extraneous, but I still like to think he would fail utterly at it.

I wonder if they'll give Suzaku some kind of mad hax golf ability. I wonder if there's a golf course at Clovisland! I wonder if I would have noticed these sorts of weird anime-game hybrids earlier if I actually played games? Ah, well... I guess I don't really have much else to say. This is just one of those passing WTF moments, which seems to happen way too often with Geass. Speaking of which, how about that R2 review huh? ...Oh, right, haven't written it yet. :X (Hattip: CG LJ comm) Read the rest of this entry...

The Point of Regional Exclusions & Exclusives

I don't really get the point of regional exclusives for video games. Perhaps this is out of bitterness, but that doesn't matter.


First of all, think of all that untapped revenue! Kingdom Hearts has become a gigantic cash cow for Square-Enix in the few short years it's been around (oh, crap, has it already been seven years?), but before they came up with the brilliant idea of making three more spin-off semi-sequels, they turned down the bid to release KH2: Final Mix+ overseas. Why? What possible logic is there to cutting the rest of the world off from that title? The original KH: Final Mix was understandable. There was logic behind that one. The overseas kids already had the extra footage and knick knacks in their normal release, so it was only fair that the Japanese kids get a version with Sephiroth -- and throw in some extra keyblades. Nothing too substantial, really. But KH2:FM+ was an entirely different ballgame.

Unlike the first Final Mix, it not only added a billion new cutscenes, features, and other bells and whistles, but it added a 3D version of Chain of Memories! Considering the Japanese, US, and European releases were nearly identical this time around, that just seems a little unfair, doesn't it? Now consider that KH is arguably equally popular in both the US and Japan (sorry, Europe, I don't have stats for you!). Japan shipped about a million copies in the first week of KH2's release. The US shipped about that much in the first month. Fair enough, but over time? The US obviously has a bigger population. This means more fans. This means more sales. This means more people pissed about the fact that KH2:FM+ is a Japanese exclusive.

I don't have sales numbers for KH2:FM+ in Japan, but if the ratio of sales remains the same, Squeenix and Disney would definitely get a bigger chunk of change from the US than from Japan if KH2:FM+ was also released in the US. (And even more with a European release!) So why cut off the rest of the world? Why spit in the face of all that potential money? It would have been much easier than developing three more games, anyway. I don't get it. Clearly, Squeenix is more than happy to milk the shit out of Kingdom Hearts, so why not?

Now, in December, they're releasing Re:Chain of Memories in the States, which means the most unfair part of the KH2:FM+ package will finally be available to the poor fans over here, but I still feel like there are significant additions to the KH2 part of the special edition to warrant the whole damn thing to be released Stateside. I want those cutscenes, dammit. I suppose it's smart of them though -- this way, they fill at least some portion of the overseas' gaping void, but they retain some bit of their exclusiveness, and all the Japanese kids can still laugh and feel special. I don't really know why they're entitled though.

And really, Japanese companies can't not know that some fans will just import the games and import the console and/or mod the one they have so they can play it. There are plenty of copies of KH2:FM+ that've fallen into grubby American and European hands, but no one officially supports that kind of roundabout madness, right?

I've said before that I don't really play games much anymore, so I don't know whether this exclusive release bullshit happens often with other games, etc. If it does happen, I'd be interested in knowing whether other games' logic (if there is any) for only releasing certain games in certain countries is as ridiculous as KH's or if there are actually any legitimate reasons. (Laggy development times, as in the case of some of the early Final Fantasy games, would be one of those legitimate reasons, but these days, no one can really use that excuse anymore.) Read the rest of this entry...

All Toys are Collectables, but Not All Collectables are Toys

Oh, wow, where does the time go? Has it really been two weeks since I posted last?

To be honest, I haven't really found much in postworthy news lately -- things have gotten licensed, more things are streaming online, and Kinokuniya had another nerd day that I couldn't attend. Good news mostly in the otaku world, but I've talked about all these things before. Convention season is quieting as it gets colder, so there's no longer that constant barage of news that came in the summer months. Meanwhile, Wall Street committed seppuku, only to kind of survive and turn into a zombie, and everyone is scrambling around trying to fix things before the election in two weeks. Oh, and crude oil has absolutely plummeted. After the election, I think everyone will just be wondering whether this holiday season will make or break businesses.


So I guess on these slow news days, it's up to me to come up with original content and to ramble on about questionably relevant things, like the fact that Japanese toys are so much cooler than anything we've got. Seriously. There are hundreds of potential comparisons I could make, but for one, their UFO catcher (known overseas as those annoying crane grabby games) prizes are incredibly well-made and sought-after collectors' items; meanwhile, ours are cheap and shoddily made toys that disappear into the recesses of children's closets until they inadvertently show up in yard sales years later to be sold for a quarter.

I always wonder how the Japanese managed to develop this huge, huge collectors' mindset as a whole. Just about every kind of toy they make is highly detailed, finely sculpted, finely crafted, and otherwise just screaming to be made a collectors' item. Are there really any toys that are made just for kids? For the sole purpose of being tossed around in a sandbox? I only bought one item from the Dealers' Room at AWA -- it was a UFO Catcher plush of Knuckles. The dealer I bought it from actually had two different kinds of Knuckles plush -- one was a Japanese release, the one I bought, and one was an American release. I don't have a picture of the latter, but trust me when I say that the craftsmanship was hardly comparable. The fabric was the main difference in quality, but American release also had those cheap plastic eyes and sloppy stitching.

While I imagine there are plenty of little Japanese kids that have the same plush I do and that they're off tossing it around and treating it roughly, I also imagine that some hardcore Sonic merch collector out there keeps it in a glass box. The quality is there for the collector, but it can still function as a kid's toy. That isn't to say that there aren't any toys in the United States that also double as collectors' items. Action figures and lunchboxes from various franchises in the 80's and 90's will fetch a pretty penny in the right markets, and really, some of the toys from that period are much more impressive than some toys these days, but the quality of American action figures can never really compare to Japanese action figures. Why is that? If toys in both countries can fullfill roles as play things and prized collectibles, why aren't toys here as awesome?

Maybe it's because there just aren't that many crazy, obsessive collectors in the States. I don't have anything resembling scientific statistics, but I would guess that there are many more Japanese collectors of things than there are American collectors. A Hello Kitty made of diamonds has a place in Japan. A Mickey Mouse made out of diamonds in the United States? ...Maybe not so much. (Ironically, as big an icon as the Mouse is in the US, I would think that Japan would be more eager to commission a diamond Mickey than we would.) Are there are collectors in Japan because there are more things to collect, or are there more things to collect because there are more collectors in Japan?

Pokemon was a big hit all across the world, but no country loves them as much as Japan still does. There's been a bit of resurgent interest in the franchise after the release of Diamond/Pearl, but no other country produces a line of super-detailed, 1/40 size models of various evolution lines (zukan models), distributed via gashapon machines of all things! (The difference between Japanese gashapon machines and American machines of the same sort is even more stark than the comparison between UFO catches and crane machines.) No other country has produced a line of items (kid figures) where you can get one depicting every single Pokemon, which as of the current count, is almost 500. It's crazy.

What's the most extensive line of American collectibles? For some reason, the first thing that came to mind is the American Girl dolls, but I really have no idea. It's hard to imagine anything that's comparable to the Pokemania in Japan. Items of collectible quality are everywhere in Japan -- in their crane games, in their gashapon machines, in their vending machines. You'd have to look further and harder for similar things here, if they even exist. Where else but your super-obscure, specialty comic store can you find high-quality models of X-men? I have no idea. Read the rest of this entry...

Dragon, Dragon, Rock the Dragon

What, two posts in one day? What is this madness??

A lot's happened since I last talked about the upcoming Dragonball movie. Piccolo's makeup job was revealed. Other people's pictures were revealed. And oh, this trailer leaked sometime last week. Watching the trailer is a pretty sobering experience. The trailer outlines a movie that could be pretty much any other Hollywood movie -- kung-fu masters are all the rage these days, and so are key words like "true" and "prophecy." All of the shots and angles and colors and effects seemed so plain, so familiar, so overdone. Very little of it was reminiscent of the source material, and really, if it wasn't for the kind-of-recognizable dragonballs themselves, it could be any other movie. I wouldn't have known better if it hadn't been labeled as the Dragonball movie. The "prophecy" thing bothered me a lot too... it's just such a generic and over-used word that's been used over and over again in dozens of other films. That they used it to present Dragonball is disappointing.


It's been obvious for a while that they're trying to capture something bigger than the niche audience. It wasn't for the fans that they aged Goku up from a spunky, little Asian kid to a mid-twenties white dude. It wasn't for the fans that they made Piccolo look like Nosferatu. Yeah, both Goku and Piccolo are technically aliens without nationality, but those are the little things that fan want to count on. Our Son Goku is one of a million incarnations of the character from Journey to the West; as such, he should remind us of a mischevious little monkey king.

Piccolo is a green alien, but actually, I'm not that bothered by the fact that he isn't green. But if they kept him from being green because they thought he'd look too out of place otherwise, then I'd have to say that they failed because Piccolo still looks out of place. He looks like he showed up at filming for the wrong movie, said fuck it, and stayed anyway. Yeah, Dragonball has always been this strange combination of ancient legend and alien sci-fi (and occasionally: dinosaurs!), but I'm beginning to realize that the eclectic group of characters that worked so well in the manga and anime just... don't translate well to a live action setting. Especially one that's being set up in such a stereotypical way.

The average American kung-fu movie should not mix with the average American sci-fi film. Dragonball is neither, but they're making it out to be so, and it just doesn't seem to be working out. They're taking themselves too seriously. Dragonball was a comedy. They're going about this the wrong way -- they won't be able to win over a general audience if the niche audience is incensed. Who do you think the loudest critics will be? Who do you think the general audience listens to? Normally, I'm pretty purist about movie adaptations of books and comics, but I don't feel as if I'm being overly critical of Dragonball just because I'm a fan. X-men (the first movie) wasn't a strictly canon adaptation, but it was still a pretty big hit among fans, which translated to good, general acceptance. The same could be said with most of the other big-hit comic book movies: Spidey, Batman, Ironman. Appease the fans first. Why did Catwoman and Elecktra fail so horribly? The fans all hated it.

If you can manage to capture enough of the magic that made the fans fans in the first place, then maybe the general audience will understand, see it also, and follow. It doesn't work the other way around. You can't make a completely new product, hope to entrance the general audience, and hope that the original fans will be able to look past everything and accept it.

The fans are already hating on Dragonball, and we still have many months to go. Originally, I was planning on going to see it in theatres, but now I'm not sure if I should bother now. Why pay ten bucks to be even more disappointed?

Addendum: LOL, Fox is trying to excuse itself from the horrendeousness of the leaked trailer by pushing back the official trailer to later this year. They are apparently blaming it on lack of special effects, but honestly, I think they need less special effects and more substance. I seriously doubt their official theatrical trailer will be much better than what's already been seen, but I guess we'll see.

Oh. In other Dragonball news. Toriyama is apparently writing a new short that will reveal that Vegeta has a younger brother. Please, no. Read the rest of this entry...

Product Placement: You Want Pizza Hut

Man. I've been trying to tap out this review for Code Geass R2 all weekend. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to word things nicely because despite everything it did indeed fail at, I still liked it. Liked it a lot even. Not sure. Maybe I should give it a bit more time before I try to write it. In the meantime, I did manage to revise both my original Code Geass review and my Gurren Lagann review so they don't sound as retarded.

It's been hard to get Geass out of my head. Today is the first Sunday in months where I won't have any new episodes to watch! (I can't watch the new season of 00 until I finish the first season, lol...) As such, I'm going to take this time to write about product placement and hilariously overt advertising in anime. My friend Andres recently wrote about it in the context of video games and lamented the fact that the American audience has been so keen on rejecting it. And I'm with him -- why are people so against the idea of advertisement in their entertainment?


Most people seem to be against this whole idea of "selling out" and doing things "just for the money." I can understand and will agree with that sentiment for things that take away from the value of the product, such as making unplanned sequels to popular series. Forcing a franchise usually only ends up hurting the property, but I've never found advertising to be intrusive or annoying? How distracting is it, really, to have a Coke on the table and Toyotas driving in the street? How distracting is it, really, to have a guy drive down the highway and pass a Samsung billboard. Do you really even notice?

In Japan, Pizza Hut is (obviously) a huge sponsor for Code Geass, among other series. There is a Pizza Hut logo in virtually every episode, and it becomes like a weekly Easter egg hunt to find it. Because it's pretty much the only advertisement/logo in the series, it becomes pretty hilarious -- Pizza Hut supporting the rebellion has become the butt of many, many jokes, but is anyone really distracted by it? Does it take away from the rest of the series, which is occasionally very serious? (I'm pretty sure a Pizza Hut logo never appears simultaneously with a heart or brain-wrenching scene, though pizza itself sometimes does.) Most people would probably answer "no," and I find it hard to imagine that anyone would ragequit or refuse to watch the series just because, oh god, Pizza Hut wants you to know that they paid for it! Some people have other reasons for disliking the series, but Pizza Hut probably had nothing to do with it.

Like that whole thing about musicians promoting anime, this type of relationship can only benefit both parties. Pizza Hut obviously benefits from on-show screentime, and undoubtedly gets a slice (haha, pun) of the commercials as well. Meanwhile, Code Geass graces thousands of pizza boxes across the country and has merchandise available through some kind of points system at the pizza place. Fans of the show are directed to Pizza Hut. Fans of Pizza Hut are directed towards the show. Everybody wins. I also think the fact that some cosplayers pretty much have to go to Pizza Hut to complete their costumes is hilarious, though even those who aren't cosplaying C.C. will probably go grab some pizza because it's just so funny.

I wasn't surprised when Bandai edited out most of the Pizza Hut logos from the overseas release (I say most because, hey, Bandai! You missed a spot), but I really wonder what their reasoning was when they decided that. They "don't have permission" from the Pizza Hut of the US to advertise on their behalf, but seriously... why would Pizza Hut say, "No! You can't have our logo plastered all over your silly cartoon!" Is it because Code Geass is about terrorism? Why would anyone refuse free advertising? And now I kind of wonder -- would Code Geass have done any better on [adultswim] if they had left the Pizza Hut logos intact? Like I said, it's so ridiculously overt, it's amusing, and I wonder if the general [as] audience would have appreciated that kind of silliness long enough to consider the rest of the show. Maybe they would have been indifferent, but I really don't think it would have hurt the series in any way.

So yeah. I don't understand why people shy away from product placement because it's probably one of the least distracting forms of advertisement out there, even when it's as prominent as the Pizza Hut/Code Geass case. Most examples aren't nearly as over-the-top, so I don't even know why there's an argument. It's a fact that companies need money to deliever a product. It's a fact that advertisers already contribute most of the money, whether it's via advertisements at the broadcast or whatever, so why shun product placement? The world we walk through is plastered with logos and adverts; if anything, wouldn't it only add to realism if our entertainment is the same?

Sure, it's commercialism, but we survive on commercialism. Read the rest of this entry...